With the end of the year approaching fast, I'd thought we'd add a little spice to ASK SAM. I often get incredibly insightful emails from readers telling me their amazing stories. So I thought I'd take the time out to answer or write a rebuttal to the best of them. This is the first in this "Ask Sam Debate" series. Hope you enjoy them ... (and feel free to email me your own).
HOW TO GET A GIRL (from a guy's point of view)
By Nicholas Atgemis
"Recently, I was kicked between the teeth when my girlfriend dumped me two days before our pre-paid vacation. During my two weeks of solitude filled with meditations in a couples-only retreat and trips to the green rice fields of Ubud, I performed a retrospective of the women who had shaped my life to date. One thing stood out: there wasn't a single thread between any of the hook-ups. No rhyme, and in hindsight, no reason.
"I have in my travels met so called 'players'. Not one has ever been able to share a logical, workable, universal technique. I have deduced that there is no technique to pull a girl. With women, if you zig, they will zag. They are smarter than us and have greater intuition. I have further deduced that women are the gatekeepers and that we are at their behest as to whether we're given the key ...
"Recently, I was kicked between the teeth when my girlfriend dumped me two days before our pre-paid vacation. During my two weeks of solitude filled with meditations in a couples-only retreat and trips to the green rice fields of Ubud, I performed a retrospective of the women who had shaped my life to date. One thing stood out: there wasn't a single thread between any of the hook-ups. No rhyme, and in hindsight, no reason.
"I have in my travels met so called 'players'. Not one has ever been able to share a logical, workable, universal technique. I have deduced that there is no technique to pull a girl. With women, if you zig, they will zag. They are smarter than us and have greater intuition. I have further deduced that women are the gatekeepers and that we are at their behest as to whether we're given the key ...
"However, I do believe that some men possess more 'dog' in their spirit and as such they are able to live by Zorba The Greek's maxim that 'when a woman calls you to her bed it is a crime not to go'. Whereas I've often scurried away when I've come close to attaining the key, some men are all action, no thought. It is these men I admire, who dive into life without thinking. They're usually less selective, more pragmatic and play the law of averages. As Zorba himself once said: 'To live life, to really live life, is to undo your pants and go looking for trouble.'
"In closing I would like to say this: 'To all the girls I've loved before, who've travelled in and out my door, I'm glad they came along' and please, don't stop coming. They brighten up our lives and distract us from the abyss. When I die, I hope my last thought is an image of all the women in my life merged into one."
HOW TO GET A GIRL (a rebuttal from a girl's point of view)
"In closing I would like to say this: 'To all the girls I've loved before, who've travelled in and out my door, I'm glad they came along' and please, don't stop coming. They brighten up our lives and distract us from the abyss. When I die, I hope my last thought is an image of all the women in my life merged into one."
HOW TO GET A GIRL (a rebuttal from a girl's point of view)
By Sam Brett
I too was once kicked to the kerb by a boyfriend right before the holiday season. While at the time I believed we were still dating (and was mightily surprised to find him locking lips with someone else on New Year's Eve), years later I was to discover that, to him, we were never really "dating" in the first place. That's right. Apparently modern men have their very own definition of what it means to be "in a relationship" and it's all mightily darn confusing.
As an investigative journalist I took on a quest to discover the reason behind my supposed relationship's demise, only to quickly discover that the reason he had snubbed me was simple: I had become a bona fide Bridget Jones Clone (BJC).
In my defence, let me just say that none of us gals consciously choose to be the whining, nagging, jealous girlfriend type. Oh no. The trouble is we can't help but become that when our date gives us so many mixed signals and unreturned phone calls that our emotions take over and we morph into psychotic, obsessed stalkers. Not a good look.
It's true that women love the bad boy. But it's also true that many women have been burned by a bad boy so deeply that we guard our hearts more tightly than security at an al-Qaeda general meeting. Hence we now know that if we zig along with a man's zig, then we'll only end up heartbroken, alone and kicked out of his pad faster than we can ask him how he likes his eggs in the morning.
It's true that women love the bad boy. But it's also true that many women have been burned by a bad boy so deeply that we guard our hearts more tightly than security at an al-Qaeda general meeting. Hence we now know that if we zig along with a man's zig, then we'll only end up heartbroken, alone and kicked out of his pad faster than we can ask him how he likes his eggs in the morning.
So back to how to win over a girl successfully.
In my travels I, too, have met men who are players and who live their lives by the maxim of Zorba The Greek, charming their way into many a woman's miniskirt. And I have discovered that, yes, there are indeed a few secrets to doing it right, yet they're not as high-fangled as you might first have thought. Instead, they're simply a smile, a "hello", a follow-up phone call and an invitation for a date that starts before midnight.
While Nicholas might admire Zorba The Greek and the slew of men out there who are "all action and no thought", the truth is that these are the very men who end up single, alone and eating take-out for one.
Proof in the sexual pudding is the response I recently received during an interview with a high-profile celebrity womaniser. When I asked him what he'd done the previous evening, he told me in hushed tones that he'd been ensconced in a threesome. While that might be every man's wildest fantasy, he didn't exactly seem too thrilled with the revelation. When I asked him if he enjoyed himself, he replied with an honest "Not really ... I was quite detached from the experience. I'd definitely prefer to have a girlfriend."
If that's the case for the men out there reading this column, then my final piece of advice is this: less bad boy, less attitude, less walking around with unzipped pants searching for a playmate. And please, no more mixed messages. If you're honest, straightforward and don't play games with our heads, you might be pleasantly surprised by what comes back ...
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